WELCOME TO ANOTHER INSTANTLY MASSIVE TECHNO RAVE STOMPER!!     AND HERE'S BILBO (TAKING A BREAK FROM PRODUCING THOSE SHITTY DEMO CD'S KNOWN BY THE TITLE - RIPPED OFF) WITH A GUEST SCROLLER IN THIS DELIGHTFUL MEGA DEMO.   IT MIGHT BE THE SECOND SCROLLTEXT BY ME COS I'VE ALREADY WRITTEN ONE BUT NUKED MODEM WANTED A LONGER ONE (AND WHO DOESN'T??)    ONCE AGAIN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS SCREEN LOOKS LIKE BUT I'M SURE IT LOOKS REAL COOL!     AT THIS POINT IN TIME (30.8.91), NEW MODE ASSURES ME THAT THIS DEMO IS 99 PERCENT FINISHED.  SO WHAT IS THE RELEASE DATE ON THE DISK??   (THIS SHOULD PROVE EMBARRASSING TO NUDE MODEL!)   OK, SO WHAT SHALL I WRITE ABOUT THIS TIME - I'VE BEEN TOLD TO WRITE A LONGER SCROLLER AS THE LAST ONE WAS TOO SHORT!!   WELL IN WHICH CASE I'LL HAVE TO THINK OF SOMETHING REALLY LONG (OOER!) TO WRITE ABOUT.   WHAT SHALL IT BE........     A DESCRIPTION OF EVERY LEVEL OF POWERMONGER (YEAH!) THAT I'VE EVER PLAYED (OVER 100!)    OR.....     A REV BY REV ACCOUNT OF EVERY CAR I'VE EVER BLOWN AWAY IN MY RENAULT 5 GT TURBO    OR.....     A DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF THE OPERATING SYSTEM OF THE IBM AS/400 I PROGRAM ON AT WORK    OR.....     A LIST OF THE SERIAL NUMBERS ON ALL MY DISKS     OR SHOULD I WRITE SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY SHORT?    LET'S HAVE A FEW SUGGESTIONS FOR SOME REALLY SHORT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT........     HOW ABOUT.....     THE SOCIAL CULTURE OF EAST GERMANY     OR.....     KAJAGOOGOO'S GREATEST HITS     OR.....     THINGS THAT SLIME ACTUALLY LIKES (EXCLUDING NEOCHROME MASTER!)     OR.....     THE NUMBER OF GOOD DEMO CD'S RIPPED OFF HAVE DONE     OR.....     THE NUMBER OF BAD DEMOS DELTA FORCE HAVE DONE  (YEAH! I'M A SNIVELLING CRAWLY BUM LICK - I'VE ONLY BEEN ALLOWED TO WRITE THIS COS I LET DELTA FORCE GANG RAPE ME AT THE ICC 2!!)     OR.....     THE INTERSTING BITS IN THIS SCROLLTEXT     OK, I'M FUCKIN' BORED WITH THIS SHIT.  IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE - IN FACT, IT WASN'T FUNNY TO START WITH!!     WHAT'S THAT?    A KNOCK AT THE DOOR?    WHO CAN IT BE?    I'D BETTER STOP WRITING AND GO HAVE A LOOK!     AH!  NOW I'M JOINED BY THE EVER RADIANT RAVE (AKA VILL MC) WHO TENDS TO COME ROUND TO MY HOVEL WHENEVER I'M TRYING TO WRITE A FUCKIN' SCROLLER!!   SO I THINK I'LL PUT HIM TO SOME GOOD USE THIS TIME!   HOW CAN I DO THAT??  I KNOW......     HEY VILL - TELL US SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE WHOOPS AND HOLLERS WHEN YOUR GRINDING YOUR HIPS OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR!    THANKS!    SO HERE'S A LIST OF SOME OF THE HOTTEST RAVER IN TOWN'S FUNKADELIC QUOTES.....     WATCH THEM BASS BINS, I'M TELLING YER!       YOU'VE GOTTA BE STRICT WITH THE BASS!       THIS TRACK HAS ENOUGH POWER TO DESTROY THE MOST EXPENSIVE WASHING MACHINE!       OH NO!  NOT MORE BASS!!       THE BASS HAS ARRIVED!       CHECK THIS OUT - TOP BUZZ OR WHAT?!       HEY!  CHECK ME OUT!!       GET STOMPING, BASSHEADS!       GROOVE ON THE BEAT WITH THE MAN LIKE VILL MC!       SPIN THEM TECHNO WHEELS, BAD ASS!       IF IT AIN'T TECHNICS - TURN IT DOWN!       GET YOUR SUPER WOOFERS OUT FOR THE LADS!       THANKS VILL THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH FOR THE TIME BEING.    AND NOW TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT TOTALLY (AGAIN!) - THERE NOW FOLLOWS A LIST OF THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN EATING IN AN INDIAN RESTAURANT.......     HOY! GET THE TOILET ROLL IN THE FREEZER, ABDUL!     TWO OF THOSE DRIED YAK TURDS, PLEASE!    ONE HAEMORRHOID RINGPIECE AND A TUB OF SPEWY SAM!     DON'T COME IN MINE - I'VE GOT THE WIFE WITH ME TONIGHT!     HAVE YOU WASHED YOUR HANDS THIS WEEK, MOHAMMED?     BY HELL, YOU'VE CAUGHT THE SUN - HAVE YOU BEEN AWAY?     WHAT MOTOR ARE YOU RUNNING, MATE?    (THIS IS PROBABLY A LITTLE DIFFICULT FOR NON-BRITISH READERS.  THE JOKE IS THAT ALL GENTLEMEN OF AN ASIAN PERSUASION DRIVE DATSUNS IN BRITAIN!)      AND NOW ANOTHER CORNER-SCREECHING CHANGE OF DIRECTION.....     A THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.....     THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE ENJOYING A PICNIC AND YOU NOTICE A COMMON HOUSEFLY (CRAPONITS FEETUS) WALKING ABOUT ON YOUR SALMON AND ASPARAGUS FLAN JUST CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING BEFORE YOU SWOT IT.  DURING IT'S LIFESPAN OF 48 HOURS, FROM BEING A LITTLE WIGGLING MAGGOT RIGHT THROUGH TO FULL FLYDOM, THE FLY WILL SETTLE ON NOT LESS THAN 5 DIFFERENT TEXTURES OF ANIMAL SHIT FROM COW PATS TO WREN DROPPINGS.  NOT ONLY DOES IT SETTLE ON THE SHIT BUT IT HOPS AROUND LIKE A SAILOR IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE ON VE NIGHT.  ON NEW SHIT IT SINKS UP TO ITS ANKLES.  IT THEN LAYS ITS EGGS ON THE SHIT BEFORE FLYING OFF TO DISCOVER NEW FIELDS, EG. TURKISH RESTAURANTS OR DEAD ANIMAL FLESH AT THE ROADSIDE.  WHEN ITS FEET ARE WELL COVERED IN SHIT AND TARAMASALATA AND DRIED BLOOD MOTHER NATURE TAKES OVER AND NATURAL INSTINCT TELLS THE FLY TO GO AND FIND A PICNIC AND WALK ON THE SALMON AND ASPARAGUS FLAN.  SO THERE YOU SEE THERE IS MORE TO THE COMMON HOUSEFLY THAN YOU IMAGINED.  NOW SWOT THE FILTHY BASTARD AND GET ON WITH YOUR MEAL!     (BIBLIOGRAPHY - NOT 1983)          AND I THINK THAT'S IT FOR THIS SCROLLTEXT!    I'M RIGHT OUT OF IDEAS (WELL, I WAS ABOUT HALF AN HOUR AGO!) SO I GUESS IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.  I AM SURE THIS DEMO WILL BE A GREAT SUCCESS (EVEN IF THIS TEXT IS INCLUDED IN IT!) AND I WISH DELTA FORCE AND ALL ASSOCIATED COLLEAGUES LOTS OF LUCK WITH IT!        AND SO THIS IS   -BILBO-   (SIMPLY THE WORST)   SAYING CHEERIO, BYE BYE, TA TA, SEE YA, LATERS, AND ALL THE USUAL GARBAGE YOU WOULD EXPECT TO FIND AT THE END OF SUCH A SHIT SCROLLER!!       AU REVOIR!                  